13 3 / 2013

…you’re insecure…don’t know what for…

I have been trying to remember the keys…tapping on each as if not forgetting the moment. It’s been nearly three years when she left the country to study music and pursue her Broadway dreams. I did not understand it at first…but seeing how contented and happy she has been…now, I realize that allowing her to go…to leave me…is truly not a mistake.

“Still up son?”

I turned around to see where the voice is coming from and there she was…my mom…I simply smiled and looked back to the keys that I’m previously focusing on and started playing, 

“You miss her…do you?”

As I feel the ivory-colored keys…humming in line with the music it creates…I nodded and suddenly, I felt my mom’s hand on my shoulder…sitting right next to me…

“Yeah…” I answered somehow, trying to break free from this loneliness that I’m feeling…I miss her…and even in everything that I do these days…I am seeing her…her face…her ways….her smile…her unwavering affection and faith…that I can still be happy…successful…even without her.

“Why don’t you call her…ask her to…”

“Mom…I tried…but she kept on ignoring everything. My calls…tweets…DM…she completely shut me out.” With my voice slowly cracking…my mom knew well enough that I’m on the verge of shedding tears. Remembering Julie…and what we almost have…gave me that bittersweet feeling of happiness and longing…of satisfaction and regret. 

“There’s no harm in trying, Moe…it’s been so long, di ganun si Julie. Alam mo yan.” 

As my mom left and as I was left here alone…with nothing but the baby grand as mere companion…I then again played the piece that I’ve been practicing for years…over and over…

Moe…I’m leaving in two days…

Biglaan? Bakit? Dahil ba ‘to sa kanya? 

No. My decision has nothing to do with anyone…but me.

Kahit ako? Am I not even worth staying for? 

Moe…

Kakatapos lang nang movie natin Jules…why the sudden change of mind? Wala ka ba talagang tiwala sa akin? That I will never change kahit pa andito si-“

Ssshhh….it’s not what you think, Moe…

Then tell me what to think?! 

Mahal na kita. And that’s the problem. 

Thinking of it now…how it went…when we last spoke to each other, two days before she left…I understood her now…

During those times, I tried my hardest to make her feel special…appreciated…inaalagaan ko siya the best way I can…I am no longer denying my feelings even in public…kahit pa critics tend to see the “changes” as promotional and scripted…wala akong pakialam…

Realizations come at the most unexpected moments and who are we to judge if “our feelings” blossomed while doing the film. 

Is it bad to take care of someone, who has been with you for years? To finally appreciate what you have and explore what-could-have-beens… 

Is loving someone has to be that timely? Is it our fault that our hearts decided to finally answer each other’s longing…at the time when the world surrounding us thinks we’re fake? 

I guess not…but you know what’s bad? 

It’s when I never uttered those words myself…leaving her hanging…hurt.

“Moe, ready for your big day? I must say, I’m a bit surprised that you chose to do this number.”

“Yeah…me too, Direk…hope I won’t disappoint anyone.”

“I bet everybody will love it…trust me, Moe. Who knows, what else is in store for you tomorrow,haha!”

“Haha, kayo talaga Direk…any news?”

The smile in Direk Mark’s face slowly faded…and it doesn’t take a genius to know why…

“Moe…I tried…kaso…”

“Okay lang Direk…naintindihan ko.”

Seeing the throng of people…waiting for me…the thought of I, doing this production number, suddenly overwhelmed me…

I was given the cue to finally take my seat…and as I hear the screams of people…calling out my name…it never occurred to me that celebrating my 21st birthday would be this surreal…

I then tried to familiarize myself with everything…a warm-up of sort…since we are currently on break; I then tried to tap the keys and closed my eyes to pray…

The slow motion of my fingers…gliding along the ivories….the reverberating sound of the melody these keys are slowly giving me…I knew, seeing her as my inspiration…there can never be any room for mistakes.

Hindi mawawala sa akin si Julie. She is my inspiration…

♫You’re insecure…don’t know what for…

You’re turning heads when you walk through the door

As I started playing and singing the lines…the image of her…playing and singing alongside me…is like taking that trip down memory lane…

Julie…she is my best friend…the best friend who I learned to love truthfully…

♪Everyone else in the room can see it…

Everyone else but you

For quite some time now…I have lived a seemingly half-life…proving to everyone that I am not just my father’s son…that beyond the “tandem” I am somebody who will never give up and be tied down…

And all these time…there has been this angel who is guiding me…making me think of the opportunities given to me…inspiring me to work hard…doubly hard…and never take anything for granted….for that alone…I am very gratified to have known her…loved her…

♫Baby you light up my world like nobody else…

I was focusing on the next few lines when I suddenly heard someone else’s voice…as much as I want to turn around and stop playing to reaffirm my intuition…I just can’t simply let this number be wasted…

Hearing her…again…after three years…is not just surreal…it is my reality.

Hearing her voice…devoid of any figures or silhouette…makes my heart beat fast and wilder.

As I tap and tap and play…I can sense the satisfaction in my nerves….that yearning will no longer stay as mere yearning… Oh, God, let me see her…please.

And then she appeared in front of the piano…looking straight at me. Sporting that ever familiar smile that gives me that fluttery, airy feeling…

The lady…the woman who has been the core of my dreams is here…finally.

I continued playing and I sang along with her…

♫If only you saw what I can see

You’ll understand why I want you so desperately

Right now I’m looking at you and I can’t believe

She came…and this is my special day…and I am not complaining. Those three years of not seeing her…talking with her…it left this hole that I wish I could easily fill…

The clapping and sound of adoring cheers set in. But in my mind…I am no longer delaying this…she is here…and I am no fool to wander…

I walked towards her…

I saw her face lit up and those eyes gave me something…

One…two more steps and as I held her hand…looked her in the eye…those three years of not seeing, of not conversing…were no longer existent.

I wrapped her in my arms and for seconds, I thought she wasn’t even real, 

“Galing mo nang mag-piano ah…proud of you.” 

She muttered and as the “staged world” around us cheered…without even knowing what our hearts are trying to feel…I finally whispered,

“Kala ko di ka darating. Thank you.” 

For a few seconds, I heard nothing…but then she said, 

“Imposible. You kept my heart still. Pinatay mo, panagutan mo ‘to,haha!”

I chuckled and embraced her once more…

“Haha! You always leave me speechless.”

And as we broke off from the tight embrace and as the hosts are gradually occupying the stage…I looked at her…and as our eyes met…I knew…the waiting is over.

  1. jeedeeveejee reblogged this from jrealm
  2. hazelvictoria reblogged this from jrealm
  3. bedbooksandraininsummer reblogged this from jrealm
  4. braveenough reblogged this from jrealm
  5. niks0143 reblogged this from jrealm
  6. kayekulit reblogged this from jrealm
  7. jrealm posted this